Morg

I've been reluctant to examine Morg's death and it's meaning to me. Partly because this feels too public a forum - even though only 2 people know about it - but also because I haven't worked my feelings through yet.

It was so painful to see her so bitter and angry, but also totally understandable. She had 3 daughters then a grandson, so in a very simple sense more to lose than me. And I think the 'not fair' aspect was never far away. I'm glad I decided not to talk to her about how she was the last few years as I don't think I'd have come away in any way satisfied with the outcome. She was going to die and knew it. But if we could have talked about it it may have softened the blow just slightly, knowing how she'd been valued. The input she'd had into people's lives. As it was I dreaded talking to her on the 'phone as she invariably found me irritating and ticked me off, picked me up on anything vaguely incorrect. Made me nervous.

It changed as soon as she had the operation to remove her eye. It was as though the sense of humour she had, which protected her from other people's opinion of her, being overweight etc, had been removed too. 

It's very complex for me to understand and it's going to take quite a while to just remember the good times. They seem such a long time ago - they were such a long time ago! But when they were good they were very good. 

Jess rang me this morning. She's still so sad poor girl. She relied on Morg so much. And probably to a certain extent on Dave. Awful to lose them both so close together.

 Staying at Jane and Peederr's - Manor Thatch:

 At our wedding:

 On holiday on the Crozon Peninsula, Brittany. In a mobile home, her and the girls and us. It was brilliant:

With Graham, one of our visits. Beautiful walk.

Last photo I took - at my 70th